I sat in the padded blue chair and anxiously waited for an advisor. This is where God wants me, I was so certain of it.
A woman with curly hair welcomed me into her office and began setting up my student profile. Another lady came in and started discussing the financial aspect of it with me. She started typing out numbers, adding and multiplying, then dividing and subtracting.
“Okay, so your semester will come out to about $4,000 out of pocket.”
My heart sank from my chest and stopped somewhere near the building’s first floor.
To my embarrassment, I ended up crying on the advisor’s desk. How could this be? I was so sure that this was where God wanted me. This now left me with the only option of going to the University I have always hated.
In the following weeks, I accepted that it was where God wanted me to be and I would be obedient, but I would NOT be happy about it. I also made sure to let everyone know how unhappy I was about it at every opportunity, because why not?
This month, I was able to attend the Passion conference in Georgia, and God spoke the following to me:
Now, as I write this post, I write with a changed heart and a new attitude. All along I had been praying for God to send me out on the mission field, but I was so blinded by my own interests that I didn’t see God was doing exactly what I asked of Him. No, it isn’t a location that needs to be accessed by boat or airplane, but it is exactly where I need to be.
Furthermore, my new ‘mission field’ would cost me a pretty penny and I was stressing myself out calculating future paychecks seeing how I could meet payment deadlines. At Passion, with this in the back of my mind, God kept pushing me to sponsor a child through Compassion International. “God, that’s $38 a month,” I replied to the nudge in my heart.
I felt like such a fool. How dare I challenge God’s knowledge of what’s best for me. How could I not trust God to take care of me if He’s called me to provide for someone else?